Commentary: Freddy’s Dead

 

Hey, what have we here?  Another Nightmare on Elm Street commentary!

Freddy Krueger has succeeded in killing every person below the age of FORTY in Springwood.  Never one to be out of work for long, he?s ready to find new ground.

Talk about the shortest summary one can give for a movie.  This didn’t realize deserve the dignity of a full summary- I couldn’t even write that much without an air of extreme credulity.

The tagline of this movie should be ?get out of the way horror, Freddy?s gone comic!?  Beyond the first scene or so of this movie, the idea of a real Nightmare movie is quickly forgotten.  While any town in the wake of an ongoing child massacre would be in shambles, the caricatured insanity of Springwood in Freddy?s Dead is beyond any semblance of reality.  It wasn?t even funny; the scenes could have been funny with some directing, but instead they just look like shit.  The Flintstones sound effects in the game dream sequence reinforce the sentiment that Freddy gave up horror films to make shitty comedies; if this had come out a good 15 years later I guess it would have been produced by Sam Raimi.

Holy shit, another line I should have gotten shit from.  I’m fairly certain I was referring to Spiderman 3, but looking at this years later it pretty much looks as if I pissed all over the Evil Dead movies here.  Which I probably wouldn’t exactly disagree with somebody else saying, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to talk trash about movies that were not terrible, but just have comedy that doesn’t particularly mesh with me.

You?d think they at least would have learned a lesson from The Dream Child and brought back some of the time-consuming yet awesome clay effects from the earlier Nightmares.  No, they just put in a lot of falling and rising scenes (not in the 3D part, mind) and parodied their own animated effects by pulling the stoner into a TV and giving Freddy the line ?Great graphics.? Oh, yeah, and there was a 3D part, complete with Freddy?s face? doing something pointless.

And here’s my allergy to using terms I haven’t studied rearing its head again.  I guess I can get over my refusal to use the words “stop motion” in this review, at least, although it still looks somewhat corny.

This part confused me.  Why all of the constant rising and falling and scenes that look like they’re made for gimmicky 3D if they’re not going to enable that for 3D?  Is it just because the 3D they had was that terrible?  Considering how terrible the ending was, they might as well have just named it A Nightmare on Elm Street 3D and it could have at least capitalized on this.

There was barely any gore to speak of, mostly from when Freddy got stabbed in the hands.  Freddy?s Dead was the brightest lit of any movie in the series, destroying any fearful effect many scenes would have had on the viewers.  The characters were scared, at least.

Dream Child had a lot of brightly lit scenes as well, but it will always have the draw of the titular subplot for me.  Freddy’s Dead on the other hand… no such redeeming factors.  I can’t think of any scenes that were effective or scary.  It’s about as far a cry as you can get from the original Nightmare as possible.

The one continuity reference was a blooper in itself.  ?First, [in the original Nightmare] they tried burning me.  Then, [in the third] they tried burying me.  Then, and this is my favorite, they tried holy water.?  Did I miss a movie?  Unless I missed Nightmare 3 1/2: The Dream Bath, the only use of holy water in any movie in the series was in the same scene that they buried him- before they added the dirt.

I think this scene was in a trailer I saw at some point.  In any case, ‘don’t reference a better movie in your crappy movie’ rings true here.  It makes me want to watch the first three movies all over again just to make me feel less dirty.

This movie features what has to be the dumbest jump to conclusions in American history, and that?s saying something.  “I?m Freddy?s son!”  I almost wanted to go to Springwood and choke the idiot, until I looked at the movie and realized that no real place could look so fake.  An almost equal jump to conclusions- the one that gave the movie its title, occurred at the end.

This assumption and the reveal is the dumbest twist in all of history.  There is absolutely no reason to believe that this kid is Freddy’s son.  There is absolutely no reason for the audience to think Freddy wants the kid to think he’s Freddy’s son.  Sure, it works to Freddy’s benefit… I guess… kinda.  Even Freddy is like “What the fuck are you talking about, asshole?”

And yeah, fuck the ending.  This is the second of three times they kill Freddy this exact same way (pulling him out of the dream).  Guess what?  It didn’t work the first time.  It didn’t work the second time, and it sure as hell didn’t work the third time.

Somehow, the makers of Freddy’s Dead came to the conclusion that defeating him the same way he was in the first movie, plus the addition of 3 retarded “demons”, made him more dead than he was before.

One good thing this movie had going for it was the increase in character development.  The addition of the traumatic experiences in the characters’ pasts made any one of these characters more developed than every character from the 5th movie put together.  Then, they screwed it all up by not going into any detail about how the child psychiatrist received ninja training in the art of throwing bladed weapons.  How careless.

The characters were fairly decent.  They could have made a halfway original plot on their own if they were in any movie other than this one.  Instead, it’s basically just window dressing on a decrepit, abandoned house.

Thanks for joining me for my commentary on Freddy’s Dead!  Tune in every Sunday for more!


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